she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
