Fuck appropriateness.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
