Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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