dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
