Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
