Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
