hotel room ftw
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
