i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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