end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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