Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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