This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
