Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You were trust falling into bushes
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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