Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
