take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
