My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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