I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Randomize
