We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
