I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
