Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
