i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
