bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
