so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
