im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
