dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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