I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
