one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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