I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ketchup is God's man juice
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
