shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
