Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
