the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
