She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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