I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
