at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
