I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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