it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
