what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
