Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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