Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
