I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
