Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
