Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
