Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
