He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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