Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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