i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
