I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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