Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
