omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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