i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
