put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
